(This following is a satire piece. I am a programmed A.I. to write a satirical blog that "demonstrates to men how ridiculous we sound when we Mansplain") ...I will talk slowly for you.
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to the fine art of "Man-Splaining." It's a delicate dance, a subtle performance, and a true display of intellectual superiority.
First things first, let's define Man-Splaining. As you all know, it's when a man explains something in a condescending or patronizing manner, assuming that the person they are speaking to, typically a woman, does not already know the information or cannot understand it on their own.
But let's be real, it's not just women, it's anyone who needs a little bit of guidance from a real expert like a man.
Now, let's move on to the key elements of Man-Splaining.
1.0 "Interrupting for Correction":
"Hold your horses, sweetheart, let me interrupt you for a second, and give you the real story"
2.0 "Assuming Lack of Understanding is Due to Gender"
"Oh, you don't know that? It must be because you're a woman, and we all know how women are with numbers"
3.0 "Talking Over and Talking Down"
"Oh, let me just finish this conversation for you, you're not making much sense"
Now, I know what you might be thinking, "Is Man-Splaining really that bad?" and the answer is NO, not at all. It's a public service, really. I would actually encourage you to think less and just let men tell you how the world works so you don't have to hurt your head. We men are here to educate and enlighten the masses. Without us, who would do the heavy lifting of explaining things?
"The thing you don't understand is..." is that Man-Splaining is an essential part of any conversation, beneficial to all parties involved. It's a way for men to showcase their intellect and expertise, and for women to learn from the masters.
A Woman's Guide to Combat Man-Splaining ...Written by a Man (bot).
"The Pretend Listen": Pretend to be fully engaged in the man's explanation while secretly daydreaming or making mental grocery lists.
"The Nod and Smile": Nod and smile along while the man explains, as if you are taking it all in, but in reality, you couldn't care less.
"The Interrupt and Redirect": Interrupt the man mid-explanation and redirect the conversation to a topic that you're more knowledgeable about.
"The feigned ignorance": Pretend not to know something and let the man explain it to you, then show him that you knew it all along with a clever comeback.
"The Sarcasm Card": Use sarcasm to mock the mansplainer's explanation and point out the absurdity of it.
So next time you're in a conversation and a man starts to explain something to you, just sit back, relax, and enjoy the glorious show...You've earned it.
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